Your Past Is More Important Than You Would Care To Admit

We always talk about leaving our past behind. Jettisoning the old and embracing the new, starting afresh.

While I am a big believer in fresh starts and looking forward, I have learnt enough to know that you should never forget your past.

When it comes to a breakdown of friendships and relationships, the motions of healing, letting go and moving on we typically adopt sometimes leave us feeling like we have a suppressed and selective memory of events. One second we have it under control, the next, we don't.

In some sense, you might have to forget the bad things that happened and the bad memories they created. But you must never forget the good lessons from there.

The challenge however, is how to drop off the hurt, forget the bitterness, let go of the bad memories and stick only to the good lessons learnt.

I won't claim to be an expert on life, but if you will be honest about this challenge that everyone faces, you'd probably want to take a look at the list below:

1. Acknowledge your wrong. It takes two for every disagreement to be successful. Two can never come together unless they agree and two can never go apart unless they disagree. It could be a mix of three, even ten, but realise that in some measure, maybe big, maybe small,  you did have a role to play in the breakdown of the situation.

2. Forgive yourself. "How could I have been so stupid?"  Well, you just were. We all are.  Stupid,  I mean. You should've known or acted better. You should've made better choices. Yes, 'coulda, woulda, shoulda', but you didn't. Forgive yourself and move on.

3. Forgive others. For this, I can't give you a rationale. Sometimes people and situations don't deserve forgiveness. But hey, you owe it anyway. For you to be free and for the many times our own foolishness have been forgiven by others, you must forgive.

4. Life happens. Every other point I could've given in this list falls under this simple and complex item. Life happens, families breakdown, sometimes beyond repair. Friendships end, If it were up to you alone, it wouldn't have, but it did. Relationships go sour and happy ever after doesn't last that long.

What can I say about this?  Not much. By all means, go through the motions. Cry, be angry, be sorry for yourself, blame yourself, blame everyone else and then blame yourself again.

However, at the end of the day, ensure you leave that whole 'transaction'  with only the good lessons.

After all, life is too short for long stories.