You Must Not Get Too Excited About Success-To-Failure Stories

What do we get out of every good story? A moral lesson.

What do we get out of every good success? What to do

What do we get out of every bad failure? What not to do

I know it is tempting to want to celebrate failure as a necessary pathway to success when we see the bios of so many successful people today who were once considered massive failure. Stories like those of Thomas Edison (and his one thousand experiments to invent the light bulb) and The Beatles are definitely needed to revive a tired spirit. But we must be careful.

The Questions You Must Ask To Live A Full Life

In life, we must ask ourselves certain mandatory questions if we want to stand any chance of living alive. The essence of life itself and how much we do with it are both hinged on the quality of questions we ask ourselves.

Your Past Is More Important Than You Would Care To Admit

We always talk about leaving our past behind. Jettisoning the old and embracing the new, starting afresh.

While I am a big believer in fresh starts and looking forward, I have learnt enough to know that you should never forget your past.

The 99% Completion Effect: A Job Almost Well Done

If the internet age has taught us anything, it is the lesson that 99% download is not good enough. The other day I was reading a book by Wale Adenuga titled ‘Here’s My Two Cents’ and it struck a chord with me. There in front of me was another reminder that 99% is never enough. He likened aborted success to having your internet download fail at 99%. This is a feeling we all know too well.

Trust me, it happens to the best of us. This  hit me hard again the other day when I was in the slum of Mokola neighbourhood in Ibadan, at the ‘office’ of a printer at the dead of the night (11:00PM to be precise) as I said all the prayers I know for his printer not to pack up in the middle of our print job.

I had come in from Lagos with about ninety-something percent of the prints I needed. But hey, that is not 100%. So of course, I had to get 100% for the training the next morning. As I sat in the makeshift office/storeroom/shop/messy-place, all I could think about was the power of the last 1% that brought me out there that night. Trust me, if the final 1% means anything to you, it has the power to make you survive the worst possible situations.

The Unknown Quality Of a Virtuous Woman: Shame

Earlier today, I was having a conversation with my colleague. We were joking about guys giving girls money to get their hair done. And then I heard the most epic statement ever “Naaaaa, you can’t ask me for money to make your hair, YOU HAVE SHAME”.

Shame! The previously undiscovered feminine virtue.

It sounded awkward and actually chauvinist to me at first, but at a closer glance, what he said actually makes sense.

Before I go further and have the ‘girl power’ and ‘women liberation’ over-enthusiasts ask for my head, let me clearly define what I mean. Having Shame is very different from a having a voice.

I'm A Woman. Let Me Tell You What We Want

What do women want? The age old question any man will give an arm and a leg to get the answer to.

But oddly enough, most women want to know as well. There's this stereotype that women do not even know what they want. Or so I have heard.

What exactly our dreams, our goals, our aspirations and our fears are as women, are the deep secrets we keep in our hearts. We are usually afraid because when we bare them, it makes us naked.

Which Is Working: Your Hand or Your Body?

The work of your hands.

Work is  work right?  Wrong!

I'm here, on my way back from a stressful day at a client's office,  the last thing on my mind should be work right?  Wrong again!

It is work actually work: work, work, work. But this time, the work of my hands.

So you're thinking, what's the difference: my hands work, my body works right?

Wrong yet again!!!!

There's a big difference between the work my hands do and the one my body does. I have two fundamental differences to show you now. Of course there are more than two though. But let's see these two.

1. The hand creates, the body expends.

When the work you do is the work of your hands, when you're done, something definitely would have been created. At the close of each business day, something that didn't exist previously would have been created. Builders, wielders, lawyers and accountants alike.

The work of your body on the other hand is identified by something being expended.  When the body works, calories are burnt, when the hand does, creations are made.

I'll Tell You Why You Should Be Grateful To Africa

Why am I African anyway?

"I could have been any other race for heaven's sake.
I could have been Caucasian and wouldn't need to spend money on bleaching cream.
I could have been Indian and would need to buy Indian hair.
I could have been American and be 'free and brave'

I could've even been African American, at least that has some pizzazz to it.

Oh well, I'm African."

Hear me and hear me well.
You're African because you need Africa.

You've become cocky because you always hear people say Africa needs you.

Oh well,  the tables have since been turned.

The Kind of People You Need In Your Life.

You don't need bitter people, you don't need angry people, you don't need jealous people, you don't need negative people.

We are usually sure of the people we don't need in our lives. We are so quick to know the subtraction and division.

What about the addition and the multiplication?  What kind of people do we actually need in our lives? Because most times we have clearly defined who we don't want and do not define who we want to be around instead, so we end up alone.

Make no mistakes, everyone needs someone. This is a cold, cold world. We all need the warmth of family and close friends.

But the big question is "who do we need in our lives? "

All Is Not Well With You

Why won’t you answer when someone says hi? Why would you frown when a friendly gesture is shown? You might think that you are superior, but you and I both know that all is not well with you.

You carry your face as if it is going to help the falling oil price, you twist and turn your mouth until it unites with the bridge of your nose, but you and I both know that all is not well with you

You yell at everyone at the office, your family is afraid when you enter and at ease when you leave, you are happy because people fear and ‘respect’ you. But you and I know that all is not well with you.

A Simple Guide to Loving Difficult People

Do you really want to make a difference? Do you want to bring about change? Do you want to cause the world to be brighter?  Show love to the 'deficit '

In our world,  there are the easy to love and there are the hard to love. 

But the thing is everyone has their easy to love and their hard to love.  The colleague,  who to you is an impossible to love is someone's husband and the love of her life. 

What does this mean?  Everybody has a lovable element in them.

Walking in love is not when you love the lovables, even the worst of the worst love their own. It is when you love the unlovable.

Same goes for kindness, forgiveness, charity and all such acts. Only when you have given this to those whom you do not 'like' and can't pay you back, have you truly done anything.

I'm saying this with all sense of humility, because I know it is quite hard.

But I'll be sharing some tips which I hope can help you love the unlovables.

1. It is not about who they are, it is about who you are. Have you noticed that no matter the rain, no matter how heavy, no matter how dark the clouds, when all is said and done, the sun simply shines again with its simple glory.

Why? The sun simply shines! It is what it does.  No questions, no regrets.  It is about who you are. Realise that other people's actions are about who they are, don't make your response about them too. Be intentional about your responses.  Never allow yourself to get into the dungeon of payback. Many-a-good people have fallen and have never found their way back to 'good land'.

2. Love is compulsory. Yes, you heard right. Love is not an option,  the earlier you let yourself in on that truth, the better you will be. Forgive people, love people, help people. It is a cardinal law and a prerequisite for sanity in your daily lives.

If you don't love people, you are killing yourself and setting yourself up for a life of anger, bitterness and strife. When your mind is so sick and diseased, in a short time,  your body will join in on the party.

3. Learn to separate love from bonding. It will save your life. There are some people you shouldn't bond with, otherwise they will be a perpetual work-out for your love muscles. Love them, be friendly to them,  be charitable to them, pray for them but you don't have to form a bond, a clique or a circle with them.

With these kind of people,  you are like a tap supplying water for them to wash their dirty hands. You can decide to be there as the tap, you could have the water they need to get clean,  you might as well flow from now till thy kingdom come, but if they don't stretch out their hands and wash, nothing will happen.

As a tap, you lock yourself, keep your supply to yourself, knowing that whenever,  wherever, for whatever they need water,  you will supply.

If they realise their dirty hands and decide to wash, you will supply. 

If they don't and just need to wash an apple with your water,  you will supply.

To help us put things in perspective, let us look at love, as defined by its author:

Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful, and is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant.

It is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured.

It does not rejoice at injustice, but rejoices with the truth [when right and truth prevail].

Love bears all things [regardless of what comes], believes all things [looking for the best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during difficult times], endures all things [without weakening]

What Happens When You Die - Learning Life Lessons From Death

Yes, you read right? What will happen when you die? Family and friends will cry, life insurance will be paid and then what?

What will the world miss when you die?

The world will miss some powerful books and teachings because Myles Munroe died.

The world will miss some great pop songs because ‘the King of Pop’ died.

The world wept when Mandela died, when Maya Angelou died, when Martin Luther was killed.

“So when I die”… the statement that is a taboo to mention!

But why?

The mistake I Made Last Night – Don’t be Too Quick to Reward Yourself with Sleep

Last night, I went to bed with an issue unattended. An issue which had an expiry date of last night.  

I went to bed because I was tired; I went to bed because I deserved it. I had worked hard all day and I needed the rest. Even the Bible says that the sleep of a labourer is sweet (Ecclesiates 5: 12). I had laboured and so my sleep had every right to be sweet.

The day had many challenges, but I was a hero because I conquered all. The day had really bad weather but I was prepared for it.  I came, I saw, I conquered; so it was naptime.

WRONG!!!

YOU WON'T GET ON THAT FLIGHT WITH ALL THAT LUGGAGE - Sorting Your Life Out

They say life is a journey, so I suppose you have to bring your luggage along. Your shoes, your toothbrush, everything.

But here's the thing with this particular trip called life, there's no return ticket. It's a one-way journey that keeps on going. So how then do we return excess baggage we accidentally packed to a safe place at home?

You don't get to, trash it and move on. 

Take A Chill Pill - How to De-Clutter Your Mind

Smart phones, the Internet, social media, turning up.These are some of the things that are relentlessly making us smarter and dumbing us down at the same time. 

I love the fast age we are living in, don't get me wrong. My work and my blog are made possible by it in the first place.  However, I'll be telling a big lie if I say I'm not worried for our minds.

There is no space for our minds to be alone anymore.  Information is constantly hitting us from different media, work is placing its demands on our minds and personal relationships are also laying claim to the tiny window of spare time we have. 

So what do we do? How do we preserve our sanity in this seemingly insane world?  How do we go from day to day without crossing to the other side of sanity?

I'll tell you what works. Works for me and a good number of people I know. Take mind breaks! Just a few minutes in a day where your mind is empty.

No,  it's not prayer? It's not meditation.  Its simply having your mind do nothing. Not thinking of money, or work, or family, or anything, just straight up mind napping.

Either of two things can happen when we do this.

Firstly, we could finally hear what our minds have been trying to tell us. Sometimes, we are too busy for our own good.  We run around looking for insight and inspiration. Meanwhile, all we need has been deposited in our spirits and our minds try in futility to communicate this to us.

Why do people get inspired on holidays and getaways?  The inspiration doesn't reside in the holiday location, it resides in you. You brought it to the holiday spot, but you needed the holiday to bring it out of you. 

You should take your mind to the safari or the Caribbean for a couple of minutes a day, here in the heart of Lagos (or whatever city you are) so it can gently teach and change you. 

The second possible outcome is a simple well deserved rest.  For some of us, our minds do not even rest at night. We either sleep too few hours at night or our poor minds are still counting and calculating money in our dreams.

A few minutes everyday. Not for inspiration, not for prayer, not for meditation, but simply for being 'empty'  and 'emptied'. 

Until you try it,  you never think you need it.  But once you try it, you'll never understand how and why you lived life without it.

I speak English, German and "Wash" - Why You Must Learn the Art of Flattery

A little soap here, a little water there, a little "wash" everywhere. If you don't understand this, to wash in slang means to flatter or pay compliments.

I know flattery is usually associated with sycophants, people pleasers and patronising people. But my job today is to make you see it differently. 

The Art of flattery - Why I speak English German and Wash (part 2)

Since the last post, I'm sure you've been getting your flattery on. Anyways, we never got to the issue of the why. 

Why is flattery so important that it has to be an art and a science at the same time?

Well,  that's simply because it makes the world go round.  It makes the sun shine brighter,  and it makes the chirping of the birds even more than musical.

A Long Walk With Your Eyes Closed

The person I see with my eyes open has come a long way since yesterday. Since all she knew was herself and her needs. Since all she did was keep an account of what did world owes her.

It's been a long road since those yesterdays. Since when I was a girl, since I spoke like a girl. Since I sat at the bottom of the table, since my mind was a mustard seed.

It's a long way ahead to the woman I see with my eyes closed though.

Who do you see with your eyes closed? who do you see with your eyes open?

With my eyes closed I see her, I feel her, I smell her, I can't wait to be her.

Who are you with your eyes closed? Who do you smell when you close your eyes?

Do you think there is a need to see with your eyes closed,? Is it something you think you should do?  I think strongly think so.

₦50 Rice, ₦50 Beans: Living in Lekki on a Surulere Salary

It might not be as bad as having to buy ₦50 rice and beans yet, but for some, it’s a tear-jerking story. If you live in Lagos, this post is for you. If you don’t, well it is still for you with a little Wikipedia study.

What happens when you live in Lekki on a Surulere salary? What happens when you live in Banana Island and work in Victoria Island on an “Apapa Island” salary? When you live in Park View on a salary where the only view you can afford is Oshodi Bridge?

I wish I had a quick fix list for you, but I don’t. However, what I have I think is barely adequate, just like the relationship between where you work and where you live. Since you survive there regardless, let us then call this the survival checklist for living in a neighbourhood you can barely afford.

 This typically happens when you are “squatting” and “living-off” a family member or friend. Am I judging you? Absolutely not! I have no right to (Don’t tell anyone, but I am a working adult who still lives with a family member myself).

So if you’re in this predicament, accept my sincere and heartfelt sympathy and now let us look at how to deal with this dilemma.

How can I stand out without “notice me”?

Photo Source 

Amebo, notice-me, I-too-know. So many names readily available to call the person that has chosen to stand out from the crowd. But then again is it not the burning desire of everyone to stand out and be different? Of course it is. I think then the challenge is not standing out, it is standing out and staying organic, standing out and staying true to you. 

I think one of the greatest paradoxes in life is that we are required to show ourselves without showing ourselves off. We are required to be noticed without drawing attention, we are supposed to be seen without too much showmanship.

But precisely how then, any right thinking person will ask. Well I wish I were all-knowing but unfortunately I am not, but from the much I know and have seen, I think I could share with you some ways I have seen people use successfully, and I have used as well. Please feel free to share in the comments your own methods as well. Honestly, this is a dilemma for me too.

High Heels, Flat Shoes and Other Trivial Choices We Have To Make At Work

Like most people I really don’t make the best decisions on the first try. I tend to fumble and then find my feet. No I’m not talking about decisions on world economy or anything like that. I am talking about work culture decisions. I know this is a light matter when you look at it on the surface. But if you look again you will soon realise it isn’t light all. So let’s take a short list of some of these DECISIONS

1.       What to wear.

If you work five days a week for 11 months a year, you functionally spent about 61% of your year at work. Trust me, I know some people who do as much as 80%. If this is the case, there is no excuse to hold back on your work wardrobe.

 My case is even very critical because I am always working with clients, resuming and closing at their offices for months. Not just clients, well-paid, nice-looking and sometimes C-level executives. What then will be my story be if I fail to dress to impress. However, you do not even need to dress to impress.

Studies have shown that the way we dress affects our confidence and mood and also either improves or reduces our willingness to partake in social interactions. Do you still think dressing is trivial?

So tomorrow chose well, heels or flats, pocket square or no pocket square?

How to Keep Up With Life When You Are Tired, Weak and Frustrated

"Don’t give up" is one very easy advice to dish out, but one of the most difficult to give our own selves when we need it. I’ve learned over the years that life is like running a marathon. I’m sure you have heard this a million times already. But the trick in running a marathon is to keep running when you tired, weak and sometimes ‘frustrated’. If you’re currently a few miles into your life marathon and you feel like quitting now will be a better option, join the queue because there are a lot of us. Sometime last year, something happened to me and it made me realise that tired, weak and frustrated are the three wise men that escort us on our to achieving our life goals. So how then do we deal with these issues? How do we keep running with our plan when we feel this way? How do we keep on keeping on when we can’t keep up? I’ll share some key principles that helped me at this crossroad.

“How do we keep on 

keeping on when 

we can’t keep up?”

Conviction.

You just have be convinced. If you’re not convinced about what you are doing, there is no way in God’s earth you can keep running. You have to know what you are running with and be sure of it. You might not know A-Z, that’s okay. But you need to know it’s the alphabet you’re running with, you need to know the language the alphabet is in, you need to know it starts at A and ends at Z. You need to know exactly what you are doing and that you are meant to take this course of action. If you can’t convince yourself of your own plans, trust me there is no way you can convince another person and it absolutely impossible that you reach that nice-looking, white tape on the finish line

The Culture of Keeping Quiet

Photo Source: digdang.com

Change is in the air in Nigeria, in with the new and out with the old is the word on the streets, the people are happy and satisfied as they have spoken out loud and made their choice. The preceding events, the elections and the result process have really got me thinking about the journey so far and the road ahead for Africa as a continent.  As much as I know from my years on this planet and the experiences of those who have spent far more years than I have, one of the major attitudes that have held us back for so long is the culture of keeping quiet. 

Are Nigerian Youths Really Lazy?

If I got one Naira for every time I hear a sentence beginning with “children of nowadays…” I’d be a billionaire by now. The average Nigerian youth is perceived as a lazy person who wants to get rich quick with as little amount of work as possible. This statement I believe is very true and very false.  There are a number of reasons why these accusations against our youth cannot be faulted. These reasons are very obvious and easily identifiable by everyone except the youth.  Dear Nigerian youth, I am not on the other side, we are both on one side, the young side. Please listen to one of your own and change as required because the “change” we have all been asking for from our leaders, from the forth coming elections and from our system will only begin and succeed when it starts first in our minds, and then in our attitudes. We will have to live this changed lifestyle as the new normal. Without this, this change will be worth a little more than the 10 Naira change our president recently gave us for one litre of fuel.