A little soap here, a little water there, a little "wash" everywhere. If you don't understand this, to wash in slang means to flatter or pay compliments.
I know flattery is usually associated with sycophants, people pleasers and patronising people. But my job today is to make you see it differently.
First, what is flattery? It's not when you tell a dark-skinned Omonye "oh! I love your fair complexion", that is people pleasing. It is not when you tell your boss "oh! nice plan, I'm sure it will work" to a plan you know is rubbish from inception. That's being a sycophant. And when you pay ingenuine compliments just to get something from someone, that is being patronising
Flattery on the other hand is the art and science of paying true and heart-felt compliments and kind gestures to people just because. Yes, just because.
The thing is, flattery is an attitude before an expression in either kind words or deeds.
If you hate a person in your heart, your words will be evidently plastic. My mission here will be incomplete if I don't clearly show you two things; the how and the why.
The how of flattery is simply straight forward and it can be divided into the science of it and the art of it.
The science. There's a formula. The denominator of the fraction is a heart of love that is free of envy. Be quick to see the good and beauty in others and be generous with your words enough to let them know how good you think they look or are.
"Lovely dress, great suit, Oh! you have very nice eyes, I love your necklace" simple things that mean a lot. Do you not love it when you receive a genuine compliment? Well I do. There's so much cold 'seriousness' these days, a nice and warm compliment is highly needed by all.
The simple numerator here is genuinesness. Be genuine, be simple. You don't need elaborate expressions to be warm. Be simple and authentic about it. The simplest one will do. "oh! Thank you for that. You always help me out and I appreciate that" No theatrics, just apprecitaion.
The art of it is even more simple. Be simple but don't mess it up, be authentic but don't be inappropriate or cross boundaries. Don't be too smooth, you sound fake.
Like every art, it comes with practice but I'll be generous enough to give you some examples of what not to say;
That outfit is nice. You look beautiful in it (if you must make this faux pas, you must add 'as always' especially when talking to a lady. She is the one wearing the dress not the other way round)
If a complimet needs to start with 'I don't mean to be rude or inappropriate or disrespectful but... ' please don't go ahead with it. You might not mean it, but it sounds like what it sounds like and that's it.
Never pay a compliment just before making a request. Who does that? Really!??
It's been a long post, don't know how it got this long. I guess I just have a lot to say about this topic. People who know me well know that this is my field. Lol
Anyway, I hope the how has helped. In a short time I'll be posting the why next just to keep it short and simple, like good compliments.
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