The Unknown Quality Of a Virtuous Woman: Shame

Earlier today, I was having a conversation with my colleague. We were joking about guys giving girls money to get their hair done. And then I heard the most epic statement ever “Naaaaa, you can’t ask me for money to make your hair, YOU HAVE SHAME”.

Shame! The previously undiscovered feminine virtue.

It sounded awkward and actually chauvinist to me at first, but at a closer glance, what he said actually makes sense.

Before I go further and have the ‘girl power’ and ‘women liberation’ over-enthusiasts ask for my head, let me clearly define what I mean. Having Shame is very different from a having a voice.

I'm A Woman. Let Me Tell You What We Want

What do women want? The age old question any man will give an arm and a leg to get the answer to.

But oddly enough, most women want to know as well. There's this stereotype that women do not even know what they want. Or so I have heard.

What exactly our dreams, our goals, our aspirations and our fears are as women, are the deep secrets we keep in our hearts. We are usually afraid because when we bare them, it makes us naked.

Which Is Working: Your Hand or Your Body?

The work of your hands.

Work is  work right?  Wrong!

I'm here, on my way back from a stressful day at a client's office,  the last thing on my mind should be work right?  Wrong again!

It is work actually work: work, work, work. But this time, the work of my hands.

So you're thinking, what's the difference: my hands work, my body works right?

Wrong yet again!!!!

There's a big difference between the work my hands do and the one my body does. I have two fundamental differences to show you now. Of course there are more than two though. But let's see these two.

1. The hand creates, the body expends.

When the work you do is the work of your hands, when you're done, something definitely would have been created. At the close of each business day, something that didn't exist previously would have been created. Builders, wielders, lawyers and accountants alike.

The work of your body on the other hand is identified by something being expended.  When the body works, calories are burnt, when the hand does, creations are made.

I'll Tell You Why You Should Be Grateful To Africa

Why am I African anyway?

"I could have been any other race for heaven's sake.
I could have been Caucasian and wouldn't need to spend money on bleaching cream.
I could have been Indian and would need to buy Indian hair.
I could have been American and be 'free and brave'

I could've even been African American, at least that has some pizzazz to it.

Oh well, I'm African."

Hear me and hear me well.
You're African because you need Africa.

You've become cocky because you always hear people say Africa needs you.

Oh well,  the tables have since been turned.

The Kind of People You Need In Your Life.

You don't need bitter people, you don't need angry people, you don't need jealous people, you don't need negative people.

We are usually sure of the people we don't need in our lives. We are so quick to know the subtraction and division.

What about the addition and the multiplication?  What kind of people do we actually need in our lives? Because most times we have clearly defined who we don't want and do not define who we want to be around instead, so we end up alone.

Make no mistakes, everyone needs someone. This is a cold, cold world. We all need the warmth of family and close friends.

But the big question is "who do we need in our lives? "

All Is Not Well With You

Why won’t you answer when someone says hi? Why would you frown when a friendly gesture is shown? You might think that you are superior, but you and I both know that all is not well with you.

You carry your face as if it is going to help the falling oil price, you twist and turn your mouth until it unites with the bridge of your nose, but you and I both know that all is not well with you

You yell at everyone at the office, your family is afraid when you enter and at ease when you leave, you are happy because people fear and ‘respect’ you. But you and I know that all is not well with you.

A Simple Guide to Loving Difficult People

Do you really want to make a difference? Do you want to bring about change? Do you want to cause the world to be brighter?  Show love to the 'deficit '

In our world,  there are the easy to love and there are the hard to love. 

But the thing is everyone has their easy to love and their hard to love.  The colleague,  who to you is an impossible to love is someone's husband and the love of her life. 

What does this mean?  Everybody has a lovable element in them.

Walking in love is not when you love the lovables, even the worst of the worst love their own. It is when you love the unlovable.

Same goes for kindness, forgiveness, charity and all such acts. Only when you have given this to those whom you do not 'like' and can't pay you back, have you truly done anything.

I'm saying this with all sense of humility, because I know it is quite hard.

But I'll be sharing some tips which I hope can help you love the unlovables.

1. It is not about who they are, it is about who you are. Have you noticed that no matter the rain, no matter how heavy, no matter how dark the clouds, when all is said and done, the sun simply shines again with its simple glory.

Why? The sun simply shines! It is what it does.  No questions, no regrets.  It is about who you are. Realise that other people's actions are about who they are, don't make your response about them too. Be intentional about your responses.  Never allow yourself to get into the dungeon of payback. Many-a-good people have fallen and have never found their way back to 'good land'.

2. Love is compulsory. Yes, you heard right. Love is not an option,  the earlier you let yourself in on that truth, the better you will be. Forgive people, love people, help people. It is a cardinal law and a prerequisite for sanity in your daily lives.

If you don't love people, you are killing yourself and setting yourself up for a life of anger, bitterness and strife. When your mind is so sick and diseased, in a short time,  your body will join in on the party.

3. Learn to separate love from bonding. It will save your life. There are some people you shouldn't bond with, otherwise they will be a perpetual work-out for your love muscles. Love them, be friendly to them,  be charitable to them, pray for them but you don't have to form a bond, a clique or a circle with them.

With these kind of people,  you are like a tap supplying water for them to wash their dirty hands. You can decide to be there as the tap, you could have the water they need to get clean,  you might as well flow from now till thy kingdom come, but if they don't stretch out their hands and wash, nothing will happen.

As a tap, you lock yourself, keep your supply to yourself, knowing that whenever,  wherever, for whatever they need water,  you will supply.

If they realise their dirty hands and decide to wash, you will supply. 

If they don't and just need to wash an apple with your water,  you will supply.

To help us put things in perspective, let us look at love, as defined by its author:

Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful, and is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant.

It is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured.

It does not rejoice at injustice, but rejoices with the truth [when right and truth prevail].

Love bears all things [regardless of what comes], believes all things [looking for the best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during difficult times], endures all things [without weakening]

What Happens When You Die - Learning Life Lessons From Death

Yes, you read right? What will happen when you die? Family and friends will cry, life insurance will be paid and then what?

What will the world miss when you die?

The world will miss some powerful books and teachings because Myles Munroe died.

The world will miss some great pop songs because ‘the King of Pop’ died.

The world wept when Mandela died, when Maya Angelou died, when Martin Luther was killed.

“So when I die”… the statement that is a taboo to mention!

But why?

The mistake I Made Last Night – Don’t be Too Quick to Reward Yourself with Sleep

Last night, I went to bed with an issue unattended. An issue which had an expiry date of last night.  

I went to bed because I was tired; I went to bed because I deserved it. I had worked hard all day and I needed the rest. Even the Bible says that the sleep of a labourer is sweet (Ecclesiates 5: 12). I had laboured and so my sleep had every right to be sweet.

The day had many challenges, but I was a hero because I conquered all. The day had really bad weather but I was prepared for it.  I came, I saw, I conquered; so it was naptime.

WRONG!!!

YOU WON'T GET ON THAT FLIGHT WITH ALL THAT LUGGAGE - Sorting Your Life Out

They say life is a journey, so I suppose you have to bring your luggage along. Your shoes, your toothbrush, everything.

But here's the thing with this particular trip called life, there's no return ticket. It's a one-way journey that keeps on going. So how then do we return excess baggage we accidentally packed to a safe place at home?

You don't get to, trash it and move on. 

Take A Chill Pill - How to De-Clutter Your Mind

Smart phones, the Internet, social media, turning up.These are some of the things that are relentlessly making us smarter and dumbing us down at the same time. 

I love the fast age we are living in, don't get me wrong. My work and my blog are made possible by it in the first place.  However, I'll be telling a big lie if I say I'm not worried for our minds.

There is no space for our minds to be alone anymore.  Information is constantly hitting us from different media, work is placing its demands on our minds and personal relationships are also laying claim to the tiny window of spare time we have. 

So what do we do? How do we preserve our sanity in this seemingly insane world?  How do we go from day to day without crossing to the other side of sanity?

I'll tell you what works. Works for me and a good number of people I know. Take mind breaks! Just a few minutes in a day where your mind is empty.

No,  it's not prayer? It's not meditation.  Its simply having your mind do nothing. Not thinking of money, or work, or family, or anything, just straight up mind napping.

Either of two things can happen when we do this.

Firstly, we could finally hear what our minds have been trying to tell us. Sometimes, we are too busy for our own good.  We run around looking for insight and inspiration. Meanwhile, all we need has been deposited in our spirits and our minds try in futility to communicate this to us.

Why do people get inspired on holidays and getaways?  The inspiration doesn't reside in the holiday location, it resides in you. You brought it to the holiday spot, but you needed the holiday to bring it out of you. 

You should take your mind to the safari or the Caribbean for a couple of minutes a day, here in the heart of Lagos (or whatever city you are) so it can gently teach and change you. 

The second possible outcome is a simple well deserved rest.  For some of us, our minds do not even rest at night. We either sleep too few hours at night or our poor minds are still counting and calculating money in our dreams.

A few minutes everyday. Not for inspiration, not for prayer, not for meditation, but simply for being 'empty'  and 'emptied'. 

Until you try it,  you never think you need it.  But once you try it, you'll never understand how and why you lived life without it.