The Unknown Quality Of a Virtuous Woman: Shame

Earlier today, I was having a conversation with my colleague. We were joking about guys giving girls money to get their hair done. And then I heard the most epic statement ever “Naaaaa, you can’t ask me for money to make your hair, YOU HAVE SHAME”.

Shame! The previously undiscovered feminine virtue.

It sounded awkward and actually chauvinist to me at first, but at a closer glance, what he said actually makes sense.

Before I go further and have the ‘girl power’ and ‘women liberation’ over-enthusiasts ask for my head, let me clearly define what I mean. Having Shame is very different from a having a voice.

As women, we need to have our voices intact. We need to have a clear understanding of who we are as individuals without a man defining it for us. We need to be bold in telling that ‘who we are’ to others without reservations.

We also have a right to seek for the actualisation of ‘who we are’ through education, work, family life, charity and social responsibility. 

I know who I am and I become that person un-apologetically. I don’t choose less simply because I am a woman. Got that!

Now that that is clear, to the business of shame. Ordinarily, shame would mean a feeling of humiliation or distress. But not here! Here shame talks about self-preservation. It talks about regarding your image as something to be protected and not something to be exchanged for cash or kind.

For instance “He wants to date a pretty girl isn’t it? He should realise pretty doesn’t come cheap!” Oh no! Please stop!

I don’t mean to sound holier than thou (even though you will go ahead and think that anyway), I really am pointing out what is clear to see. Have some shame.

The way we dress. Yes, some people believe this is a form of expression and we should express ourselves however. I have only this response; why is the walk back the morning after a night of fun with scanty clothing called ‘the walk of shame’? Why are reporters, First Ladies and major public figures always ‘well dressed’?

Have some shame!

Be enough for yourself; do not be too experienced in leveraging your feminine powers for favours and material gifts. Do not throw caution to the wind when making monetary demands from a guy simply because he likes you. Do not burden another man with the task of making you look beautiful. You are solely responsible for yourself. If you’re not his wife, you’re not his responsibility.

Hate me now, thank me later.